Hey Sam, lemme get a shot of Jack with that booty clap.

I drive by this strip club everyday and I wanted to put these pictures up. Sorry if they look bad. I took them in a hurry from my car because the valet guy kept looking at me. The fact that I was sitting creepily in a strip club parking lot with a digital camera probably had something to do with it. I could've been anybody from a disgruntled husband/boyfriend to a private detective, or just a stalker. Sidebar.
What exactly does this mean? Are they telling me that Sam Malone, "Woody" Boyd, Norm Peterson, Cliff Clavin and Frasier Crane are in there? If so, they're a long way from home. I was a little younger when Cheers was out, but even in my adolescence I was thinking, damn, this show is good, but it's missing something. Now I finally know what it was. It was scattered ass--thongs, naked girls, lap dances and dolla, dolla bills y'all. It was right there in front of my face the whole time and I never realized it. Cliff should've been making it rain like Pacman Jones.
Maybe they mean it's an inviting environment (what strip club isn't). Everybody knows that sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name. Is that a good thing? There's only a couple reasons why somebody would know your name in a strip club: you're in there too much, you spend too much money, or you got a little too touchy-feely one time and got thrown out like Jazz on the Fresh Prince. Those all involve the word too much, and too much is never good. I don't want everybody to know my name in a strip joint. I want to be nameless and faceless.
Yes, I know making your way in the world today takes everything you got. And takin' a break from all your worries sure would help alot. Yeah, I would like to get away. I can think of a thousand places to get away that won't leave me smelling like cigarettes and baby oil. Yeah, the lunch and dinner menu may not be as good, but at least I won't leave covered in glitter. Bottom line, if I ever saw Rhea Pearlman stripping, I would probably gouge my eyes out. Lilith was pretty hot, though.

Parental advisory: explicit piercing

I went out last weekend because my boy had a friend visiting and we wanted to show him a good time. Where do guys take their friends when the want to "show them a good time"? The strip club. So we went. I'm sitting there looking down at the floor because I get nervous around naked girls, and my friend taps me on the shoulder. I look up and he says to me, "That girl has her grundle pierced." I couldn't believe my eyes. I had never heard of anything like that before, much less seen it. How do you go into the piercing place and ask for that? What do you say?
"So, I was wondering. Do you do grundal piercings?"
"Excuse me."
"You know, grundle piercings. The taint."
Inevitably, the loud music stops playing in the background so the guy can hear you and the word grundle pierces through the room just before the tattooed guy at the counter gives you a look of disgust and kindly asks you to leave. You know it's bad if the tattooed guy behind the counter asks you to leave. It was funny too because she had everything pierced. Two up top, one in the belly button, one in the happy place, and, finally, the grundle. That's a lot of hardware. There must be some sort of stripper special at that pericing place. I'll have a number 2 with a large fry. Maybe they had a two for one or an all you can pierce special that day. I don't know.