Dance At Your Own Risk

I can't stand dancing with girls when they're drunk. Don't get it twisted, it's not because I don't like drunk girls. I just hate it when you can't tell whether she's actually dancing or about to fall. Every time she makes a move you have to stop dancing for a split second—with your hands and arms extended like you're accepting one of those huge high school lunch trays—to get yourself in position to catch her. Not because you're worried about her safety, but because, like it or not, if you're on the dance floor with somebody, they're yours. For five minutes and fourteen seconds, or for however long music shall play and you two shall dance, to everybody in that bar, that's your girlfriend—for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till next song due you part, for as long as you two shall dance. As long as you're dancing with her, guys aren't going to approach her, and if you're cute, girls are going to look at her like she's a slut for being with you (if you're ugly they could care less). If she falls, the egg is on you too. If she looks stupid, you look stupid. You're her "dancefloor" boyfriend. For the rest of the night people are going to whisper to their friends, "That's that guy who let his girlfriend fall down on the dance floor," when you pass by. You're stuck. And no guy is going to step in and take her from you. First, you may be her boyfriend. Second, who wants to be seen with the girl who everybody already saw belligerently fall down while dancing? That makes you no better than an ambulance-chasing lawyer or a hunter who only goes after the young, sick and wounded. Nobody wants that. Even if a girl is hot, she's just the hot girl who got drunk and fell at the bar. Not sexy. Inevitably, once you get comfortable and start thinking she's not that drunk or she isn't going to fall, she's going to fall. And you're left to pick up the pieces. Because if she's drunk enough, she will cry. And there she is, drunk-whimpering on the floor, while you stand there, arms out, with that "she's not my girlfriend, I don't even know her" look on your face. So don't do it. DO NOT dance with drunk girls.