Dance At Your Own Risk

I can't stand dancing with girls when they're drunk. Don't get it twisted, it's not because I don't like drunk girls. I just hate it when you can't tell whether she's actually dancing or about to fall. Every time she makes a move you have to stop dancing for a split second—with your hands and arms extended like you're accepting one of those huge high school lunch trays—to get yourself in position to catch her. Not because you're worried about her safety, but because, like it or not, if you're on the dance floor with somebody, they're yours. For five minutes and fourteen seconds, or for however long music shall play and you two shall dance, to everybody in that bar, that's your girlfriend—for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till next song due you part, for as long as you two shall dance. As long as you're dancing with her, guys aren't going to approach her, and if you're cute, girls are going to look at her like she's a slut for being with you (if you're ugly they could care less). If she falls, the egg is on you too. If she looks stupid, you look stupid. You're her "dancefloor" boyfriend. For the rest of the night people are going to whisper to their friends, "That's that guy who let his girlfriend fall down on the dance floor," when you pass by. You're stuck. And no guy is going to step in and take her from you. First, you may be her boyfriend. Second, who wants to be seen with the girl who everybody already saw belligerently fall down while dancing? That makes you no better than an ambulance-chasing lawyer or a hunter who only goes after the young, sick and wounded. Nobody wants that. Even if a girl is hot, she's just the hot girl who got drunk and fell at the bar. Not sexy. Inevitably, once you get comfortable and start thinking she's not that drunk or she isn't going to fall, she's going to fall. And you're left to pick up the pieces. Because if she's drunk enough, she will cry. And there she is, drunk-whimpering on the floor, while you stand there, arms out, with that "she's not my girlfriend, I don't even know her" look on your face. So don't do it. DO NOT dance with drunk girls.

read before invading a girl's booty comfort zone

I was talking to some girls the other day and they conveyed the same message I had heard from thousands of other girls. Girls don't like it when you come from behind and start dancing unannounced. Apparently it's rude. Get over yourself. First of all, if a guy comes and dances with you, it's a compliment. He either thinks you're attractive, or he appreciates the way you dance. He's not asking your hand in marriage or even on a date. He just wants to dance. What's the harm in that? In a way it's even better than him buying you a drink. If a guy buys you a drink he probably wants to talk to you. Unless your mouth is somehow in the back of your head, a guy dancing with you from behind is a great indication that he has no intentions of talking to you. If, for some odd reason, he does try to talk, just don't turn around. Act like you don't hear him. Stop acting like you're so hot that every guy who tries to dance with you wants to go out with you.
On the other hand, what are the options? The only thing I can think of is going to the girl and asking if you can dance with her. What is this, a cocktail party in the '40s? "Hi, my name is Ben. Can I have this dance?, or how about, "Hi, I'm Chris. I was wondering if I could grind up on your ass?" You come off awkward, corny or both. It sounds like a no win situation. Girls, ask yourself this question, if a guy came and asked you to dance, would you turn around and laugh at him? If your answer is no then you're a liar on top of being shallow.
I say, get over yourself. The real reason you don't want guys coming behind you and dancing is because you want to know what the guy looks like. He's not asking you to get married, so why does it matter what he looks like? So you can turn away the ugly ones. You want your friends to accept. Because, if by chance, the dance turns into something more, you already know they approve. You need the guy to be good looking to affirm your own looks. If a good looking guy came behind you to dance and your friends gave you "the nod" you wouldn't mind.
I have a solution. Take a picture of yourself before you go out and save it on your phone. Before you start dancing behind a girl, reach around and show her your picture. Write underneath, do you approve? Yeah, it's corny too, and a little creepy, but at least you had fun with it. The girl who appreciates that and gets a laugh out of it is probably pretty cool. If she doesn't, she's probably not fun, anyway. For those girls you need to reach around and show them a picture of your paycheck.