Keep It Simple Stupid

Since being in New York I've realized a couple things. One of them is that there is a disproportionate amount of douche bags, lame guys, creeps weirdos and cornballs in the city. I'm not saying I'm Don Juan or anything, but there are a lot of guys here who have no idea how to talk to girls. There are some things you just don't say or do. I went out about two weeks ago with two girl friends and I saw and heard some of the most ridiculous stuff.

One guy came up to one of the girls and said "So, what's the thing you regret most in your life?" What? What ever happened to questions like 'what's your name?' and 'hi, how're you?' He skipped to the 5th or 6th date before he even asked the girl her name or told her his. Not good. If you're already riding the relationship Delorean before you've properly met, then what's that say about two months down the line? Are you going to introduce her to your parents on the third date and propose on the fifth? Keep it simple stupid.

Another guy came up, while I was dancing with one of the girls and cut in. I didn't necessarily care because she wasn't my girlfriend but, as I discussed before, she could've been. So this guy comes up between us while we're dancing and gives her a rose. But he doesn't just give her the rose, he puts in her hair sensually, like it was in Spain or someting. We're not in Spain. What the hell are you doing? That's creepy. Keep it simple stupid.

Another guy just came up and started dancing. Nothig wrong with that, depending on how you do it. This guy's approach was to dance close enough to say, hey, I wanna dance with you, but far enough away that if she wasn't going for it it would look like he was just dancing by himself and enjoying the music. But she humored him and danced for a bit. The only words he said to her the whole time were, "You're hot." I don't need to tell you all the reasons why that's bad.

And finally, another guy just stared from afar. But not in a shy 'I want you to notice me noticing you so you'll think I'm cute and come over and talk' way. Most guys that do that sort of turn away sheepishly when they get caught. This guy just kept looking—like he thought he was smooth or something. Only thing is this guy never got the memo that that doesn't come across as smooth. It comes across as creepy. But my friend made the mistake of telling us, which made us look over at him, which gave him the idea she was talking about him, which made him come over. That's the worst thing he could've done in that situation. Bad idea. It's one thing to be a starer, but I think a girl would rather be creeped out from afar than close range. The only thing worse than a stareer is the starer who comes over to talk. Keep it simple stupid.

And that is all the advice I have. Don't try to impress a girl, just be impressive. Just tell her your name. Ask her hers. It seems lame, but in a place where people are killing themselves before they even get introduced, somebody keeping it simple is a welcomed relief.