A Little Caulk in Your Ass.

So I'm reading this article the other day and a couple things struck me. First was the authors use of the phrase "botched “butt enhancements” have turned women's rears into pocked “moonscapes.” That's a gem right there.
Second, how deep in a bottomless pit of poor self-esteem do you have to be to want a butt job? How much do you have to hate yourself to want to make over something that you sit on it all day? And how bad could your ass possibly be? I mean, I've seen some terrible asses, but I've never thought damn, she really needs a butt job. And if they thought their booty was that bad, why didn't they just get a pair of bootypops?
Your booty has to be an absolute tragedy to even THINK about paying thousands of dollars to have it re-done. And from the guy with NO OFFICE? Your booty has to be pretty sloppy if you're willing to overlook the fact that your surgeon has no office, and check into the HoJo around the corner to have it remodeled with caulk and duct tape. What these women needed was a self-esteem transplant—or maybe a brain makeover. I mean, where does this guy do his consultations, a gas station bathroom?
And then they're going to sue him? For what? What did they expect? He should be suing them for having unreasonable expectations. I'm sure he did the best job a guy with no license, office or proper equipment could do. I'm sure he's the best con man posing as a surgeon this side of the Mississippi. But if you fall for the old "surgery in a hotel" bit, then you get what you get. And I won't feel sorry for you. Just like I won't feel sorry if an adult gets chopped up by a guy driving a white panel van and wearing a Mustache Ride t-shirt because you hopped in when he told you he had some candy. You're a grown ass adult. Use your head. Just like when you hop in the van and realize there's not candy, at some point you have to start having some questions. Obviously these women never did that. They didn't do it when they checked into Malpractice Motel for surgery. They didn't do it when the good doctor wheeled out his equipment on a tv stand. When he used Nyquil and a handful of pills for anesthesia. Or when he opened the door wearing a tool belt with a box cutter, pliers and a caulk gun in the waistband.
A word of advice. If you don't remember a word I say on this blog (if anybody is reading this): If a doctor tells you that all his surgeries are being moved to the Holliday Inn across the street because his office is being fumigated, JUST DON'T GO. It's a setup.

Baby Got Back?

Guys, for those of you that thought girls' undergarments and cosmetics couldn't get more ridiculous, here's something for you. Yes, panties that make girls that are flat in the back look like they have a booty. Aside from not knowing that the words booty and pop went together—sounds noisy—do girls really need to be more fake? There's already padded bras. This is just a push-up bra for your booty. Girls have fake eyelashes, fake eyes, fake boobs, fake tans, fake everything, now everybody can have a badonkadonk. As a girl, isn't that first time embarrassing enough to begin with without you having to take off a pair of panties that have a huge ass in the back? It sounds like a deterrent to me. I know If I got a girl home, we got to that point and I found I she was wearing these, I may not even make it to the bed. I may just throw her right out. For a butt man this is appalling. The booty is the final frontier. One of the few things on a woman that couldn't be fake. Girls already take their eye lashes, hair, lips, cheecks and everything else off at night. Now they're taking off their booty too? Terrible. What would Sir Mix-A-Lot say? You can do side-bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt takes on an entirely different meaning.
And it's yet another reason why girls are smarter than boys. This is nothing but a ploy to make men really care about personality. I mean, if you know you're going to wake up in the morning with a girl who looks entirely different than the one you left with last night, you better give a damn about the only part of her that doesn't pop off like vacuum cleaner attachments. And when your friends see her, you better have an excuse for showing up with a girl who looks like Dan Patrick when you said she looked like Danica Patrick. "She was hot last night," isn't going to cut it anymore. You should've known it was fake. With all these press-on, glue-on, stick-on, and slide-on parts, ANY girl can look good. What's the world coming to when you can't even look at a booty to decide whether or not you're going to talk to a girl? Now we're going to have to start listening when you talk (Joking).