That Shit's R. Kelly Good

Yes friends, it's true. R. Kelly has another inappropriate song that's so bad it's good. This one subtly titled Get You Pregnant. As in, "Girl, you make me wanna get you pregnant." I couldn't believe my ears. And then I listened to it. As stupid as the lyrics and title may be, it definitely got my head bobbing. How is it that R. Kelly songs are so bad, yet so good at the same time? They lead you to lose all faith in humanity, but also to the dance floor to get down—albeit faithlessly and shaking your head—at the very same time? That's R. Kelly for you. His honestly is amazing. That's one of the reasons I really believe it wasn't him in that video peeing on that girl. He would've written a song about it already. It would've been titled, "Yeah, I Peed on That Underage Girl". But he hasn't. And since all of his songs seem to be stream of consciousness, it's pretty obvious he didn't do it. This man probably writes songs just walking down the street. He sees a booty he likes, he writes a song called, "Damn, I Love Yo Booty". He sees a girl with panty lines, he writes another called, "Should've Worn Yo Thong". He sees a girl who looks like a jeep, he writes a song called—wait, he already did that. I think that song was the start of his stream of consciousness R&B. And I almost have to give him credit (almost). I mean, his mind is working on overtime with every single girl that walks passed. How can he ever NOT be writing a song? Every girl that he passes is a potential gold or platinum recording. I only wish I could keep that many award-winning songs straight in my head. In a nod to his obvious song-writing genius, MTV is adding a new category to their awards list: The R. Kelly Lifetime Achievement Award for Songfoolery. The winner of this category will be a songwriter who writes a song that makes people bob their heads, with a look of confused, what the hell was he thinking bewilderment on their face. A look that usually illicits the response, "Mmm, that shit's R. Kelly good."

irony is everywhere

Everybody knows the charges R. Kelly was facing and eventually acquitted. The jury may rethink their verdict after hearing this song. It's the remix to a song called "Customer". In the song the artist eloquently and creatively likens his sexual abilities to a fast-food restaurant. Don't know why you want your sex to be like, or as quick as McDonald's, but maybe that's just me. The chorus starts like this:

Let me serve you up
Lemme lemme serve you up
See you can have it your way
You're the costumer
If you want me supersized with some loving on the side
Just ask for what you want cause your the costumer

This very tasteful verse is the part that conjures up images of R. Kelly in his infamous tape:

Girl you'll be contagious and calling me Ronald.
Serve you up drive-thru style like McDonalds.
Yaaaa, you'll be screaming yaaaa,
The service so good it, it feels like you wanna cryyyy...
Thirsty? I got some good, good lemonade, 12-play, 4th Quarters, gonna make you wanna scrape your plate.

I don't think he's talking about Country Time when he says he has good lemonade. Once again, maybe that's just me.