January 20, 2009

The cuddle cure

There are many things that anger women about men. One of the biggest is that we fall to sleep immediately after sex, and girls usually want to cuddle and talk about feelings. What can we do? Apparently we're from different planets. Actually, mens' brains excrete tryptophan, a natural sedative, when they get off. We can't help but roll over and fall asleep. Women, on the hand, are the exact opposite. They release oxytocin, a bonding chemical after sex. That's why they want to chit-chat, cuddle and feng shei the livingroom afterwards.
Well fellas, I'm about to blow your mind. In my 11 years of sexual studies, I've found that women also desire to fall asleep after sex—but only under certain circumstances. When you are finished having sex with your girl, ask her questions about something you know she doesn't want to talk about. For example: what was that threesome with your best friend and her boyfriend like; or, was it weird when you say your best friends dad's junk; and my favorite, was it weird when you caught your parents doing it. Or ask her to do something you know she doesn't want to to. For example: Do you want to go down on me again? She couldn't fall asleep any faster. Turns out we aren't so different after all. Basically, they have the same reaction that we as men have to the exact same things. The only difference is that we generally want to fall asleep after sex no matter what. Women have what I like to call Selective Narcolepsy. The disorder is always there, but under normal circumstances it is masked by an irrational desire to do ridiculous things like cuddle, talk and look at each other after sex. But when pushed into uncomfortable situations, their unnatural girly desires are overridden by Selective Narcolepsy.
So guys, if you want to fall asleep after sex without hearing mind-numbing whining, beat her to the punch. Ask things she doesn't want to talk about before she has a chance to as you. She'll be asleep before you can roll over. And yet we get the bad rap for falling asleep after sex. Women are much worse than we are. We do it because we're physiologically unable to stay awake after sex. It's the chemicals. When they fall asleep it's simply because they don't want to talk about something.

1 comment:

Ugly Girl said...

HA.
I really prefer to cuddle as little as possible, especially in bed, but I get your drift.
Those silly bitches.