Bountiful booty...of condoms at the Olympics

I was watching the Olympic 100m dash finals the other day. Usain Bolt, a sprinter from Jamaica, won in world-record time of 9.69. What's unbelievable isn't that he broke the world record, or that he beat the field by .20. What's unbelievable is that he did all that after shutting it down about 20 meters before the finish line. Word on the street and in the track world is that he could've run a 9.56 or so had he not been show-boating. That's absolutely ridiculous. As many of you know, the person who wins the 100 meter dash is considered the "worlds fastest man". And that brings me to my point.
100,000 condoms were passed out at the Olympic Village in China. The original number was supposed to be 250,000—apparently they ran out in Syndey—but protesters caused that number to be scaled down. Makes sense, though. Can you imagine putting your life on hold for four years while you prepare for they Olympics? The only thing I've ever done for four years is college. And I gave up nothing to do it. In fact, I picked up some vices. When you're training for the Olympics, there's no pizza, no chips, no beer, no freetime, and most of all, no girlfriend or boyfriend. You're putting the best athletes in the world in a fish bowl armed with nothing but their highly tuned bodies and four years of penned up sexual tension. I'm surprised there aren't more reports of injury. Regular people could be hurt, but these are Olympians. Imagine what they can do with those tuned bodies after they decide business is over and it's playtime. If your event is finished earlier in the week, you have a week and a half to "have fun". Most of these people are between the ages of 20 and 30, I'm guessing, and unmarried. It's party time—like a freshman dorm on steroids, no pun intended. With all that going on, can you imagine going up to a girl and saying, "Hi, I'm Usain Bolt, the worlds fastest man. I was wondering if you'd like to—nevermind, we just did. Or what if you're Phelps? "Hi, I'm the greatest Olympian of all time." Phelps should probably get a dozen condoms for every gold medal.
I'm sure some athletes are more focused than others, but the best swimmer or basketball player in Uzbekistan is like being on your JV team in high school. You may get to travel with the big boys, but you're not going to play. You're around just so the Varsity can beat up on you at practice. Why do you do it? The ring. The 12th man on the Celtics got a championship ring. Well, when you're not going to win a medal the ring is being there. They take their beating, get a pat on the back and go have a good time. It's like vacation. I can't believe that the basketball team from Turkey expected to win a medal. They went to represent their country and enjoy being at the Olympics. After the game their first stop was probably the line at the student union or wherever they pass out your bounty of condoms. Their next stop was the cookie jar, fish bowl or sock drawer—wherever they keep them. Next thing you know they were eating pizzas and drinking beers.
I don't want to throw LeBron under the bus, but look at him checking out Alicia Sacramone's butt like he's been trapped on a deserted island for a while and her booty looks like a burger. And he's probably pretty focused on winning the gold (I think he's married too). Imagine what the guy on the Turkish basketball team is doing. His focus is on that booty.

Gold Medal logic

As I'm sure many of you have, I've been watching the Olympics. To be honest, I'm not that big a fan. Call me un-American or whatever you want, but I'd rather watch the Eagles vs. the Cowboys or the Dodgers vs. the Diamondbacks than watch Uruguay vs. Pakistan in team handball. I've been watching track and field, gymnastics (men and women so no I'm not a perv), basketball, and obviously swimming because of what Michael Phelps is doing. You'd think there were no other events and no other athletes with the way NBC is covering it.
The whole Phelps thing has made me realize one thing: goofy looking + famous = hot. Why do I say that? There are girls everywhere swooning over Michael Phelps. I've seen numerous away messages touting how "bagable" Phelps is. Seriously? Is it his very large forehead that somehow casts a shadow over his beak-like nose? Could it be his ears reminiscent of the movie Dumbo? Or maybe it's his inbred jaw line. He also talks like he has a retainer in his mouth. Everytime he talks you can see the saliva marinating in his mouth. A mouth that always appears to be open. I guess because he's trying to dry it up in there. I'm not gay, but I can admit when a guy is good looking. Michael Phelps is not. What he's doing athletically is wonderful, but does that make him good looking? Absolutely not. He looks like the guy who used to get his ass kicked in middle school for his lunch money. Maybe I'm jealous. I don't know, but one thing I do know is this: Phelps' best breaststroke is done underwater, and mine is done under the sheets. That means C.J. 1, Michael Phelps 8 gold medals. I'm finished now.