Where can you buy a book of email stamps?

I've blogged about how funny it is when older people use their old slang words to talk about new ideas or technology, specifically the all-encompassing word for drugs, dope. Two weeks ago I was talking to my friend's dad about another one of our friends who is apparently doing 'dope'. It was only after about fifteen minutes of talking that I realized he was talking about popping pills and not coke, heroine or weed. Parents are funny about slang that way.
But what's even funnier is the way older people use new technology. They can't get over the fact that it's nothing like the equivalent of the technology they used to use. Take the cellphone for instance. The other day I was sleeping and my dad called me to let me know I had left the lights on in my car. "This is your Dad. You left the lights on in your car. I repeat, you left the lights on in your car." I guess he thought he was on a walkie-talkie or something. The only thing he was missing was, breaker 1-9, do you copy.
And it's funny because if you have the slightest idea about a certain technology then you're automatically an expert on it. Because I can maintain the simplest of computer tasks—an email account, a website and a blog—I'm some kind of computer genius to my mom. I don't know much, but i can do the basics. She always comes to me as if I know everything about computers. I've become the designated I.T. guy at home just because I know that you don't need stamps to send an email and a guy with hot pants on and a mailbag isn't coming to pick it up.

giving your mouth a workout

I was working out the other day and there was a guy lounging on on of the machines talking on the phone. He sat there on the phone for about fifteen minutes. I don't know what he was talking about, but it sounded like a conversation he should've been having at home. Anyway, I stopped to look around, and there were about three or four other people on the phone in the couple hours I was there. My question is: do you want to work out, or do you want to talk on the phone? You can't do both. Why do you even need to bring your phone into the gym? If you're so important you can't be away from your phone for an hour, you don't need to work out because you're Superman and should be out saving the world. It's like they went to the gym just to say they went--so they had a conversation starter.
"So what'd you do today?"
"Well, I went to the gym...,?"
Yeah, you went, but you didn't lift anything but your phone to your ear. The only thing you worked out was your lips. I wish getting in shape was as easy as saying you "went" to the gym.

cell phones are like noses

I was talking about cell phones in a earlier post and it reminded me. I got an email from my friend saying, "I got yelled at in the grocery store for being on my cell phone. This lady yelled at me and told me I was showing off that I had a cell phone." Are you serious? That's crazy. Everybody has a cell phone. I saw a homeless man with a cell phone the other day. Cell phones are like noses, everybody has one. Saying you're showing off your phone by talking on it is like saying you're showing off your shoes by walking in them. Also, showing off implies that somebody is going to be jealous by you having something. Since everybody has a cell phone, I can't imagine somebody being jealous of your particular cell phone. They may think your Blackberry is cool, or wish that they had a Razr, but they're not jealous of your phone. They don't want to be your cell phone, and they don't want to be you because you have a cell phone.

how to be a player: don't have a cell phone

I was watching Boomerang today. You know the movie where Eddie Murphy is a player but falls in love with Robin Givens and then she plays him? Halle Berry is in it too--before she started being a bad driver and hitting people in her car. There is one particular part in the movie that made me laugh. Robin Givens was supposed to go on a date with Eddie Murphy's. She shows up late and her excuse was that she had some meetings that went over long and there wasn't a phone on the plane to call. I know you remember this part. It's the one where she apologizes for not calling by coming over with a trenchcoat on and Vicky's underneath. Nothing says I'm sorry like a pantyclad woman with an overcoat on, but I digress. Back to the point. I don't know when this movie was made, I believe 92. I know cell phones weren't huge then, but they were high-powered advertising executives. I'm sure she had, or should've had, a cellphone--at least a pager. That excuse definitely wouldn't have gone over in todays world. Cell phones screwed-up the I-couldn't-call excuse for players (even though some still try to use it).