September 10, 2009

Coincidence? I Think Not

We've all heard about the exploits of Chris Brown and Rihanna. If you don't remember, let me give you the rundown: Chris got a booty call text message from some hoochie. Rihanna peeped it and got mad. She got out of the car. He wanted her back in the car, so he grabbed her. She pulled away, and that's when Chris went Mike Tyson on her. Cops were called and yadda, yadda, yadda. Anyway, he went to trial in August and was sentenced to community service or something. I wonder if his charges could've gotten bumped up, though. I mean, I don't find it coincidental that Brown made a song about breathing with 'No Air' prior to choking and beating his girlfriend. Some would call it a verbal warning, but I call it premeditated. I'm just saying.
And now from the annuls of You Can't Make That Shit Up comes my man Shawne Merriman. The 270 pound All-Pro NFL linebacker who was arrested early Sunday after girlfriend, reality star Tila Tequila, accused him of choking and throwing her while she was at his suburban San Diego home. Tequila signed a citizen's arrest warrant accusing Merriman of battery and false imprisonment. Both are felonies. Merriman issued a statement Sunday denying wrongdoing and saying he was trying to keep Tequila from leaving because he thought she was a little too tipsy. Prosecutors are deciding whether to press charges, and Merriman and his lawyer have said they expect him to be vindicated (get outta here. He's not giving the Chris Brown/MLB answer of, "I didn't know what I was doing/taking," and maybe he, "choked her a little bit." I can't believe it). It all makes me wonder, is there some premeditation here too? I mean, Shawne Merriman hits like a Mack truck. Dude's nickname is Lights Out for God's' sake. Foreshadowing? I don't know. Maybe he wasn't trying to put her lights out, but he was definitely trying to dim them a little.

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