New Guy Beware

A little advice for somebody starting a new job: the new guy always gets stuck being friends with the person nobody else likes. When you first start out you don't know who to stay away from. You talk to everybody. Nobody bothers to tell you to avoid the loud talker, overtalker, mean person or the one who'll invite himself to your apartment to play Magic: That Gathering. Next thing you know you've made a friend. You don't find out until two months later, when you get invited out but asked not to bring so-and-so, that they're the person nobody likes. Then it's too late. You've made a friend. And it's only because you're the only person who talks to them. Now you're stuck with them because it's too late to start being mean.

Textwalkers

Textwalkers. People who walk around town watching their phone instead of where they're going. It's a new phenomenon brought on by the accessibility of smartphones and the information they broadcast. People can't go five minutes without knowing who planted a row of corn of Farmville. This is a message for you.
I'm going to go out of my way to run into the next one of you I see walking down the street texting and not watching where you're going. I will find you. I don't care if you're all the way across the street. I'm running slap into you. And then I'm just going to keep going. You walk down the street texting with your head down like you own the sidewalk. Like I'm supposed to move out of the way because you're not paying attention. It's not my job to watch where you're going, so why should I move out of the way because you're texting? I'm just writing this for those of you that are in New York tomorrow and may find yourself walking down the street texting. I want you to know who ran you over, stepped on your iPhone and kept walking.
Thank you,
The Management